How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
