I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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