this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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