Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
