I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dicks are not precious.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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