i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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