I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
