sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
