She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
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i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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