So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
