Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
