are you so shy because you have an std?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
