highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
