remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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