Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
