TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
