my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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