I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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