Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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