I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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