My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.