Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There's a naked man in my car right now.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
