literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.