worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
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He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.