I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him