dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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