FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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