Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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