Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
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Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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