You just made me feel so damn special
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
