I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
