I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
