I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
