Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
