You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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