Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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