I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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