Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
