So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
