Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
