I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
