When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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