He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
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I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
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I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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