maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
