I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
