I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize