Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
