why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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