What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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