if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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