Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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