'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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