i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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