The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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