i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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