I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
and she was petting her beer can
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
