Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
