the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
