I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
